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Thursday, June 8, 2017

Decision paralysis

This is a good problem.

A great problem even.

I had 7 interviews in 7 days.

I'll write about the specifics of those separately.

The results were the problem.

I got offered too many possibilities.

This is probably the first time I've experienced this.

I was struck with total decision paralysis.

My students often get this ailment.

They get stuck and can't make a choice because all the choices are equally good.

For me, I thought I knew what I was going to do.

What I wanted to do next.

Until I suddenly didn't.

Four of those jobs were ELA teaching positions.

One was middle school Computer Literacy spot I applied for on a whim.

The other two were coaching type positions.

I've been gunning for a full-time PD position for a couple of years.

Of those seven jobs, I have been offered three.

One won't make a decision until next Monday.

Two were easy to turn down--I knew instantly and instinctively they weren't right for me.

But the third, it was different.

The interview was perfect.

The principal and I were immediately in sync.

She called me less than half an hour after I left.

She said that even though I had said I needed the weekend to think about it, she wanted me to know she was recommending me for the position.

Dude! How flattering is that?

Then she said she thought we were a really good fit.

I agreed.

But for a week, I was totally stuck.

No matter how I weighed it, there was no decision better than another.

The possibility of getting a coaching offer after accepting a teaching position was terrifying.

The possibility of staying put was unappealing.

The chance of waiting too long and losing the option was also super scary.

As an oral processor, I am sure 100% of my friends are sick of me.

I would not be exaggerating if I said I had a 82 conversations about what I should do.

And every day for a week, I leaned one way and then the other.

Over the weekend, I finally figured it out.

Don't ask what changed.

I have no idea.

Sometime on Saturday, I started to feel more settled.

Then graduation happened and I had a realization.

As much as I love working with adults,

As much as it hurt to lose a kid to suicide this year,

I'm not really ready not to get to know the next "that kid."

I'm not ready to be totally removed from kids in general.

Sunday I woke up worried my mind would have changed again.

It didn't.

I went to bed Sunday night feeling sure and I woke up the same way.

So first thing, I called and accepted the position.

There are a couple of ironies here not lost on me.

One, for years I maintained that if I had to teach anything but freshmen I'd quit.

I didn't know that was still in any way true.

But I am leaving the year that my next schedule would include teaching Seniors.

The other is this: 15 minutes after I accepted the teaching position I got a call.

I got a call for a PD position.

The gentleman on the phone listed the salary as he reminded me of the position title.

The relief I felt at hearing that salary was just wrong.

It was way too low for me to consider right now anyway.

That made turning it down a lot less painful.

It was my worst nightmare realized, and it was no big deal.

That is how I got from decision paralysis to decision.

Agonizing as it was, it is a good thing.

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